Being Human

In a real human sense, I wonder if I would be missed.  If suddenly I was no longer here what would be said about me.  I ask these questions internally because it seems to me that need for others to have you around when they are facing their own is issues is greater than the return of that same need when you have a need.  It’s strange the reactions I have received when I said that some times I feel alone in room full of people whether they be friend or family.  I think that is difficult for some to comprehend.  When you are in real pain and there is absolutely no one to talk to, what do you with that feeling?  I often sit back and observe body language and demeanor.  I’ve discover that some people really do not want to hear about anyone else’s problem but their own.  If they are not the focus, then they could care less.  It’s quite sad.  Actions have shown me that if there was a real crisis in my life that I would have no one to turn to.  This is a sad realization.  I am not a solitary being.  I would like to speak to another human being instead of having these ponderances inside my own head.  This not a cry for help, this is me speaking from a real place.  I had a moment of vulnerability in an unsafe environment and it left me feeling embarrassed.  It was one of my worst fears come true.  Some things have got to change.

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