Tag Archives: Relationships

Lost Hopes

I started this on August 14th and finished it today.

I feel something right under the surface of my skin today. You’ve always had nine+ lives. I must believe that everything is gonna be alright. I remember when “Otherside of the Game” by Erykah Badu came on when we were together that night during that year and we hugged tightly. In my mind, you have always been larger than life. I have always had big hopes and dreams for you although I never expressed it. You always had big ideas and I thought some day your name would be in lights. As I painted watercolor portraits while looking at the sky, you practiced scratching on that Fisher Price turntable. These were the daydreams of wild haired skinny girl twirling her baton in the backyard. Little did I know the reality life would bring. I am not sure you will even comprehend what I see in you. My only hope is that you are able to visualize this dream for yourself. We rarely utter words of sentiment, however the pain that pierces my heart at this moment warrants it. I love you beyond mere words. You were my first playmate. I ❤ my pest.

Dealing

 

It seems we were taught in kindergarten how to share.  You shared your crayons and your paste.  You cut out shapes with your safety scissors (green handled for the lefties).  Then one day we become adults and shit got real.  Ppl have forgotten how to share, say please and thank you, be mindful of your neighbor and all those lessons we were taught way back when.  Now ppl really don’t give a f*ck.  Society is in a constant state of me.  All relationships work in this manner.  Add a little romance to the recipe and things get suddenly complicated.  I took some time to reflect on my past relationships, situations, and the like.  I can tell you EVERYTHING that each of those exes did and didn’t do.  I had to laugh.  I was honest with myself.  I realize that they’ve probably said some things about me too that were less than flattering at one point or another. I know I’ve done some really ridiculous things for “love”.   No matter how kind and loving you think you are at some point by someone else’s standards of what love means to them you’ve violated a rule and you’ve hurt them…DEEPLY.  You may think that everyone was taught the concepts of respect, honor, and love.  What you will find that these concepts mean different things to different ppl.  The definitions are skewed depending on environs.  Enter communication.  If you don’t fully explain your position, no one and I mean no one is going to guess or learn by osmosis how you feel or what you think.  Some times you have to delicately teach ppl how you wish to be treated and what you think you know about love.  You will need to listen and hear clearly what’s been said (it is what it is).   This is the only way we are going to evolve.  I have learned that I have grown.  Somewhere through the passage of time it dawned me that I quit wondering, my feelings hurt less, and the tears had dried up.  Time is a magic elixir.  There is a little girl who lives inside me that’s a hopeless romantic who keeps it hidden from the world.   Every now and then if you watch closely you’ll see her smirk.  For now, I deal in the present.  In the present, I am comfortable in this space of time.  Until then…