I woke up this morning and thought about how far I have come.
I remember people assuming that because I was pregnant at 19 that I was uneducated and ignorant.
I remember people assuming that my escaping an abusive relationship and needing assistance from state made me a lost cause.
I remember being told how I would never be able to go back to school after being away from academia for so long. I remember being told to just let that dream go.
I remember my best friend telling me that I was so smart that I could be whatever I wanted to.
I remember all the hustlers who encouraged me daily and told me when I succeed they succeed.
I remember the pimp who brought me books about teaching and told to me to keep pushing.
I remember the children who were excited that I was going to college.
I remember those days when I was burnt out and my child told me “Mommy, you can do it!”
I remember being stressed because I had no idea how I could afford to go back to school and I managed to pay my way every semester.
I remember thinking I wasn’t prepared enough to take on the classes I took.
I remember being so afraid to fail.
I know that as of yesterday, I finished my last semester as an undergrad, my degree will be mailed to me in three to four months, and I start grad school in January.
Never anybody tell you what you cannot do. Even yourself. You are much stronger than you think you are.
This year has been full. There have been hurdles, challenges, and triumphs. I have pushed myself through with a strength that I didn’t even realize I possessed. There were times when I thought of giving up. I was thoroughly exhausted. I cried in frustration. I cried when there was nothing else I felt I could do. I knew I couldn’t afford to fail; it wasn’t an option.
I continued to push myself through it all until I made it to the other side. I had to keep telling myself that I could through this one obstacle. I had to keep telling myself that the mental stress was worth it. I refused to get caught up in the idea of being Superwoman. I didn’t have to strong. I was entitled to my feelings. I had to keep talking myself through everyday.
Once I was able to see the light, although it was the size of a pin point at that moment, I kept my eyes focused on it. I eventually got to the place where I knew I had done all I could do. I let all my fears and the anxiety go. Instantly, I felt calm. I wasn’t worried. No matter the outcome I was going to be okay. And it is okay.
As this year comes to a close, I have vowed to dedicate more time to my writing. I will push myself to write even while I have classes. I have two semesters left. I will graduate in December. I am looking forward to closing this chapter of my life. I cannot wait to see what 2016 has in store for me. I embrace light, peace of mind, and abundance.