Love and Happiness

I am haunted by my own experiences and examples on a daily basis. All the “love don’t live here anymore” attitudes from all the women who were present during my “play-doh” stages seem to have left a damper on my heart. I’ve tried to think of any resemblance of “real” love to use as my example and so far I haven’t recalled any. I asked my father once “how am I suppose to know when or how to love?”….he didn’t know. He claimed he was never taught. So here I find myself winging it and failing miserably. I really don’t know what I am doing. When I think I’ve gotten it right, I find that I’m mistaken. I say the wrong things repeatedly and stumble and don’t know how to gain back the ground I’ve lost. All the silence around me is deafening and I never understood how being without “sound” could hurt so much. Now I know. I constantly replay my actions only to find no real solutions. Only an empty feeling. How do I feel…lost and empty. Now I am left to wonder and wander.