I believe I was pushed into something that I do not believe I am ready to do. I used to be geeked about drop phenomenal verses but now…my heart isn’t IN it. I’ve lost my edge. Two friends of mine decided they’d tell someone that I did “bad ass poetry” now all of a sudden I’ve got a possible gig…headliner in fact and the manager is going strickly off word of mouth she hasn’t heard a thing I’ve ever spit or written. I was caught offguard and didn’t know what to say. How do you tell someone you just don’t know if you are any good anymore. It’s frightening…shit I don’t really know if I have it in me to do this any more. What’s the real answer?! I am lost for sure.
My emotions have gotten all wrapped up in holding on so tight that I have forgotten what it is to just dream words. That doesn’t happen for me anymore. I used to hear words and be able to write them down and that doesn’t happen for me anymore. I feel like the place in me that held words has evaporated…dissolved. In the past my words flowed without out effort, now it’s a struggle. I wish the words came to me. I wish poetry excited me like it once did. I wish I had my muse back. I used to sit and wait for the wind to kiss my face and tell me things that just doesn’t happen anymore. The rigors of life seem to have filled that space.