Frustration in Abundance

“Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go” -Sylvia Robinson

I’ve tried to bite my tongue but apparently I continue to be provoked by what I consider an outsider trying to forge a bond with me and I don’t know who he is. This possible “sibling” bombarded my phone with messages wanting to talk. I tried to ignore it…but with the persistent calls it couldn’t be avoided. I was not about to sit there and allow him to refer to my father…as ‘daddy’ he is far from that. It bothered the hell out of me and said as much. Furthermore, I expressed my feelings to him about the whole situation at hand. Was it cruel…no I was being real. I can not see myself talking to this person who wants to get to know me. It’s not your fault you haven’t been around for my whole life but it doesn’t give you the right to act like you know me. He was trying to talk to me like he had known me my whole life…not cool. Needless to say I feel like he is trying way to hard way too soon without knowing facts. I don’t even IF this is my father’s son. The whole situation is unnerving.

On another note, I just don’t understand how someone can want you to be so open yet cling to ever single details of their lives. If you are my friend and share with you, I would hope that my friend would in turn do the same. I find that not to be the case. There is this constant statement made about how things have changed. Not the case, I just know that I can’t be as free as I thought I could. Trust is a hard thing to come by and when I welcome you into my circle it is definitely a big deal for me. Friends are friends in that loose societal term they are more like family. I don’t have many so if I call you friend it means alot more.

In other news, I am overwhelmed and these headaches persist. I had butterflies this morning because of a dream I had. My heart was open and it was dark inside and there was a lock on the outside of it. A familiar hand came into view with a tiny key and inserted the key into the lock and closed the tiny door and put their hand over my heart. Light illuminated from the hand. Then I heard their voice whisper into my ear….”you’re okay”. They remained on my mind and in my heart when I awakened. In spite of this mornings events, this dream is still in the forefront of my mind.

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