Dear Momma

I am playing this song for my mother cause she used to play it for me when I was younger.

This week has been THE toughest for me. It started with a call at work about my mother needing an emergency angioplasty. I was told she flatlined while she was being examined for chest pains. The cardiologist said her left artery was 99.9% clogged. If she would have left the hospital she would not have made it to her car. My heart was in my throat. I have shared previously that my mother and I don’t vibe very well but at that moment I felt empty and helpless. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to remain stoic at first pretended I was okay. I didn’t crash until Thursday. I’ve never felt what I felt for my mother at that moment. Even though we don’t get along I felt as if I wouldn’t know how to function if she weren’t around. Strange. I felt alone in the world. As of now my mother is still not out of the woods there is another artery that poses a serious concern. So I meditate.

Through all this I didn’t know what I should do or what I should be feeling. In my confusion trying to understand and even though we weren’t getting along, I picked up the phone anyway and called and even though I couldn’t really speak you managed to comfort me like you were right there with me. You helped me talk through things. It was during this call that I had an epiphany and it really helped me to understand some things about us. I appreciate you and I am hopeful that things will come together.