Any mistake can be corrected. I am taking time to regroup and heal. Since the values from my childhood experiences have proven not to be the best, I’ve learned from my OWN experiences. When you learn without guidance alot misinformation can be filtered in with the good. This is my chance to correct the mistakes. Try something different…a new approach. In realizing there was a problem, I think that has been my best step. Now I have taken a leap, ignored my pounding heart and expressed that I was willing take a risk and not hold back and fully TRUST with my heart. I would hear a lil voice inside me say…don’t give everything save something for yourself. This voice was my mother’s. My mother always said that to me “you can’t trust everybody with everything ppl lie…but you can always trust yourself never give everything away”. I guess from her experience this was true…my father lied and deceived her constantly and she stayed. I listened…this warped sense of “security” has caused me so much pain. Being afraid to open up and love and then opening up only being afraid that I’ll be hurt and abandoned by it sounds so crazy but it’s what I did. I wanted so desperately to let myself believe but fear wouldn’t let me. I did believe I was just afraid…afraid of the UNKNOWN and I let that rule me. I see this now and I can proceed with a new consciousness. I can be responsible for my feelings and emotions claim them but take a leap of faith. I’ll never know what happens until I risk something and just live. This is not easy for me at all…in fact I am nervous as shit. I was crying and laughing at the same time when we talked last night…crying cause I was scared but laughing cause I finally saying the words and believing I’d be okay if I said them. You know hearing my own voice say I love you and I TRUST YOU WITH MY HEART felt good. Today I have a different feeling…can’t put the words to it right now. I just know I feel good. Hug somebody today if you haven’t already.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s