Reflection/Revelation

Never have I felt this way about anyone person. There were times when I thought what I felt was love but I was simply infatuated and lustfilled. I think I’ve grown in my perception of what love is and what it should be. I’ve been scared to feel scared to share what it is I thought I was feeling because I thought if I let it out everything would change for the bad. I’ve thought about this and have concluded that love is an unconditional thing. Love is to be shared. It’s like a random act of kindness: you give not to receive but give to give. Love comes. It may not come the way you want it but it does come. For so long I’ve held on to my love cause I was afraid of not receiving the same quality of love in return. But it’s not about that. It’s about being in someone’s life to teach them something. You are there for the time you’re there what lesson are you there to bring. Someone told me that I would heal. I think this is apart of it, the bigger picture. I need to be conscious of everything I’ve said every time I’ve said I’d be there that I’d pray for someone else. I need to do just that. It’s about showing love unconditionally. If love is genuine and it’s truly felt there are no regrets. It flows you can not prevent it, you can’t stop it, it comes out. Now I can no longer hide my love. I feel deeply with my whole self. My heart is open and overflowing. What I feel at this moment is like no feeling I’ve had in my relationships. My emotions are on my shoulder…they are in plain view. I find myself in a constant state of daydream about what the future holds. I’ve never thought that far ahead. I cry at the thought of losing that feeling without even knowing it. I was suppose to be online that day. I was suppose to respond to the statement that was made. It was suppose to happen the way that it did. No matter how nervous I was and didn’t want to mess up my expression my letting go happened. I had to release it into the atmosphere because it was time. I was so scared of being hurt by my own admission. Of the what ifs. Things happen because that is how they were designed to occur. Right now I need to embrace my love and the love that I choose to revel in without reservation. I need to get back to what I used to do…the love notes, emails, questions and all the things that brought us together. In writing this I’m confessing with my whole heart how much I feel, need, desire, love and miss you.

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