From Pondering to Pleading

What do you do when you allow your mind to speak for your heart and it gives the wrong answer? Sometimes situations occur that are unexplainable even though answers are needed. Answers are needed because the heart and mind can’t seem to agree on the right thing to do. The mind and the heart are conflicted and the mind seems to get the heart in more trouble than it really wishes. The mind wishes it could apologize repeatedly to the heart for the wrong it has committed on numerous occasions when it speaks out of turn. Momentarily the heart feels caught up in a situation that it simply doesn’t understand how on earth it got there in the first place. The heart is in a place where there is no balance. The heart can not stand alone. At times the heart sheds tears of joy and then feels a sense of dread for it knows not how to deal with the situation at hand. The mind is confused trying to protect the heart from the hurt it knows is sure to come. Yet sometimes the heart wishes to wait and see but doesn’t know how for it gets anxious. Anxious hearts seem to make for foolish moments and terrible memory. The heart hurts because it wants to risk just this one time and doesn’t know how to just let go of the walls that have been there to protect the love that it’s saved up just for the right moment. All that’s left are tears of fear….fear of the unknown. I honestly don’t know what to do. On the edge of wanting to truly open up and tell all the secrets untold, I am scared to try, I am scared to be open, I am scared that my heart will reveal all the lies my mind has told. I’m afraid of what I feel, what I think I feel, what I want to feel, what I need to feel. I don’t know what to do with the feelings and emotions I have right now and I’m scared that in all my moments of trying to figure this THIS whatever THIS is that I am going to run away something really wonderful, something that could be so beautiful, and something I truly need. Shit…shit…shit I apologize for my confused heart. I feel like I need you to hold my hand and walk me through this. Help me get a handle on this, I am humbly asking for your help.