I know this post is long but I had to get it out of my head.
I awakened this morning at 6am with no alarm. My body jolted awake as if I was late for work. Yet today is Saturday. The start of the beloved weekend which goes by way too quickly. The thought of writing has been swirling around in my head for a long while and I just didn’t know where to begin. I missed out on a great opportunity this week because I have not been writing. School is cramping my writing style. It sucks all creativity right out of me and it’s been doing that since I have been back in. I know why I decided to back but it frustrates me. Writing is what I love. Books are like slices of heaven to me. Music feeds my soul. Yet academia makes me want to hate it all. Right now I am in the loathing stage.
Two great experiences happened this month that I discovered would happen in my area earlier this year that was almost willing to create excuses not to attend. School prevents me from doing a lot because of the astronomical amounts of reading, essay writing, take essays, and of course the black hole term papers. This is my usual excuse for why I cannot venture beyond my literature books for class. I forced myself to purchase tickets to Marsha Ambrosius’ Friends and Lovers tour back in February. I knew the show wasn’t until April. I figured if I had the ticket I couldn’t talk myself out of it. I laugh now because I went online and purchased the ticket before I could change my mind. I also knew one of my favorite writers was coming back to town the following Tuesday after the show for book signing to celebrate the release of her new book. I knew well in advance just like the show. I almost used school for not going to the event because it was a school night and it would be right after class. Let me just say the universe sets things up so beautifully. It is like chess moves are strategically happening in your favor.
The day before the show a thunderstorm ensued and inundated the city with an abundance of rain which carried over into the next day. My first thought, “I’m not going”. The following thought, “I am so tired and mentally exhausted from work…stay home”. Followed by, “You don’t have anything to wear”. The show was at 10pm on a Friday. By the time got ready to go it was already 9:15 which is when the doors opened. I sat fully dressed and said, “It’s too late, you won’t get there in time to get a good spot”. This venue was standing, no chairs, first come, first serve. The cab arrived at 9:27 and I got to the venue at 9:35. I still don’t know how that was possible. The cabbie was driving slow and talking so much I literally thought I would arrive after the show ended. I navigated my way through the crowd of people and managed to land myself in the second row, left of the stage by a pole. Sure the pole was an obstruction but I was near the stage. When Marsha finally came on stage, I fangirled the hell out. In the end, it didn’t matter because I was there. I followed through and listened to the nudging in my spirit.
I knew the book signing was on the following Tuesday and I just didn’t know if I wanted to go. On Monday, when I came home from work, I found a copy of “Heart of Gold” by Beverly Jenkins in my mailbox. It wasn’t suppose to be released until Tuesday. I guess pre-ordering helps. I packed the books I hoped Ms. Bev would sign. I ended up staying up late to get some reading done to prepare for a quiz and group presentation for class. I woke up exhausted and running on fumes and I had to work. I needed a good night’s rest. My last class ended at 5:45pm and the event started at 6. It was gonna take 45 mins to an hour to get to the event on public transit. I needed a good night’s rest. Once again, the voice in my head attempts reason. I figure I’d been to the last signing and I would catch Ms. Bev at the next signing. Then one of my classmates asked me about my books and I told her about the book signing and she offered to take me to the event. I got excited. I arrived a little late during the author’s Q & A. I was geeked because Ms. Bev recognized me from the last event. I ended up connecting with an author that I met at the last signing. She introduced me to another author, ironically we share the same name. She has a book group that other authors I have read and admired belong. I was meant to come to the event. I connected with like minded people and got my books signed. I wasn’t prepared when they shared with me about an opportunity to pitch a new book to an editor of a major publishing house. I didn’t have anything since I hadn’t been writing. My manuscript was still sitting in my shelf. I was disappointed in myself. Once in a lifetime opportunity. I never want to be unprepared. If I ever get an opportunity, I hope I get a chance again, dear Universe I will be prepared.