REMIX #1

REMIX #1 (used #1 & #2)

The rhythm leaves seeds in the breeze
In motion sounds so peaceful
The crackle of the waves against the rocks
They disconnect branches when leaned on hard by the wind
Never touching the water
May themselves break at an inopportune time
With pretense and fanfare
Mentally taking in the atmosphere trying to capture the images
They aren’t always able to be trusted to carry the weight of life
Picking up tiny momentoes along the way
On the sand walking the edge only going close enough yet
Roots provide everything
I want to live amongst a field of strong trees
And hold them with me
Linking the trunk to the earth’s foundation
Providing stability
Keeping the trees standing tall

________________________________________________________

I decided to rework #1 & #2 to see if there was something there. I changed the order of some words and some lines but I didn’t add any new words. I used every word that was there. What you are reading is the result. I don’t know if I’ll leave it alone but I like what I see right now. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

4 thoughts on “REMIX #1

  1. Hey Char….. there are a few groups that I belong to and some workshops that I use to work with. So I took the liberty of doing a clean up. I took out some of the extra THE and THEY that you had to make the piece flow a little more fluidly. Well in my opinion but you know opinions are like assholes and sometimes it's the assholes with the most opinions. LMAO!!!!! Check it out and let me know what you think.

    The rhythm leaves seeds in the breeze
    In motion sounds so peaceful
    Crackling of waves against rocks
    Disconnect branches when harshly leaned on by the wind
    Water never touched
    May themselves break at inopportune times
    With pretense and fanfare
    Mentally taking in the atmosphere trying to capture images
    They aren’t always able to be trusted to carry life's weight
    Picking up tiny momentoes along the way
    On the sand walking the edge
    only going close enough yet
    Roots provide everything
    I want to live amongst a field of strong trees
    And hold them with me
    Linking the trunk to the earth’s foundation
    Providing stability
    Keeping the trees standing tall

    Like

  2. Alright Sean the editor! I put both side by side and read them both aloud. Without the extra THE and THEY here takes nothing away from the piece. You managed to do all that and only add one word which is good. I'm gonna let it marinate. Probably re-read it a couple more times. As always thank you 🙂

    Like

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