Life & Death

I recall when my mother gave me this book to read. I think of her now and I don’t even know what to say. Our relationship has never been the greatest even when I was a young child. I developed a strong anmosity towards her for things she said that my young ears overheard when I suppose I wasn’t suppose to be listening. I think our relationship spiraled from there. My mother is suffering at this very moment from small heart attacks that wake her up in the middle of the night. This has been occurring since Monday. I was only made aware of it yesterday. She called made a couple off color jokes about death and funerals not to have a funeral cause she knew how expensive they were because she’s buried her whole family and don’t buy flowers just cremate her and that was the extent of our conversation. She jokingly replied how she hoped she’d last until my daughter graduated from high school next June. My brother called me later on yesterday afternoon to brace me for the “bad news” as he put it of which I was already aware. Then he talked about “family” and who was to blame for ours not being close. Who was to blame for contacts not kept or made. I told him I stopped playing the blame game long ago. My relationship with him has been strained as well but we had a pretty decent conversation yesterday. It’s the older sister younger brother thing happening. So as of now since she doesn’t want any one meaning him and I cause there is no one else to worry we sit and we just wait. I know that some of you read this from time to time and if you do see this just say a little prayer for my mom and my lil family. Thanks.