Trying to Remember/Reflection/Realization

(When I ponder my mind wanders and this is the outcome)

I don’t remember the last time I had a dream the last time I really had peaceful sleep. My mind is consumed with thoughts of promises, hope & unfulfilled dreams. Will my happines ever come? I feel lonely & distant. I feel so out of place. My tears are plentiful. I stare at the walls and the ceiling hoping for answers that never come.

I never realized how needy of companionship of a partner I really am. The silence is so quiet. I am not sure I can continue in this state. I miss the time spent in intense conversation. I miss everything I wish I still had it. I wish I had someone who cared about me as I do them. Someone who could love me completely/who could love me without limits/who would stand by me no matter what. I wish I could find that quality. I just don’t wanna be alone. What is it in me that I can not see that I need to fix to prevent this from happening again and again. What am I suppose to be learning?

Where has my creativity/energy gone? Why is it my mind ponders things I should already have the answers to? My heart is so very heavy. I feel as though I am such a miniscule factor to the point of obscurity. I wish life could be simple/I wish things could be explained/I wish that an answer could come. I am tired of tears. If things must change I want to know sooner than later.

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